How I overcome depression
Depression is something that can devour someone into killing one’s self. It is not simply a stress, but a powerful thought of sadness. Following the death of our classmate in my second year of college, I became fearful. I have no idea why I was very affected by her death. Is it trauma? Fear? Or just the thought of losing a friend hurt me?
What I felt that made me think I was depressed? It is a strange feeling that you want to fight. At night, I cannot sleep for fear that tomorrow I might die or go crazy. I am afraid that the reason why I am having panic attacks is because I am going crazy. I am easily irritated, if you see my old notebooks there are a lot of hate. I used to write how I hated my parents, which normally I don’t. I love my parents but during those depression days I hate everyone. In fact, there I have thoughts where I just want to earn money to pay my parents for their troubles and just die with my dogs. I even wished that I could go somewhere else with my dogs away from all the world. My number one fear however is going crazy, I feel like I will go crazy because of too much hatred. I am afraid to go to school and can not concentrate in the classroom. I feel a weird feeling that every time I am there I am going crazy. I am afraid every time they talk about her death and every time I pass their house. I am even in a panic mode every time I pass La Paz Funeral which is located in the street where I have to pass. I am really trying to be positive, I am trying my best to get rid of the negativity in me. However, these depressed feeling is like a disease. You are aware that it is there but you can not get rid of it. It is like a fever where in you know its there and you can feel the symptoms but it is hard to cure. I felt so sad and scared, I get irritated and angry easily, thoughts of death enters my mind like I just want to die. I cry everyday before God asking for help because the feeling that I felt is something that I can not fight alone. I get scared every time I see pictures of dead people, I used to not fear those things. The fear that I felt is not the “scary” you feel when watching horror movies. What I felt is the feeling that you want to scream and cry, close your eyes and cover your ears, and go to a corner and do that. That is what I feel, that feeling scared me that I thought I will really go crazy which added to my anxiety. There are moments where I am just walking and I will feel that feeling, even in the classroom during class discussion I will feel that feeling. I feel like I want to scream out loud and cry in a corner. When I get angry or irritated, I feel like I want to die. If I am angry, I just want to die. That is what I felt during those three months following the death of my friend. Furthermore, I feel like she is always there dressed in her white burial clothes, her memories scared me so bad that it contributed to the fact that I could not sleep. Yes, her thoughts constantly enter my mind and I am so scared that I thought I might go crazy so better kill myself.
Those are the thoughts I felt before, it was actually worse than I describe it because I cannot remember much from that experience. After that emotional breakdown, I forgot a lot of things. I felt like I pressed my reset button. My depression happened four years ago when I was a second year law student. I never told this to anyone and I think I did not even write it in my diary, I just wrote poems and hate letters in separate notebooks. So, how did I get over the grueling almost seven months experience?
It did not happen overnight, it was gradual. I do not know if it was depression or just trauma, but whatever it is, I am glad it is over.
How I overcome depression
The incident happened in January and it was around September or October when I fully recovered. The first thing that I did was pray to God, I pray every night and every time I had a chance. Although I keep on writing that I want to just die, I still pray to God that I may see clearly. I ask forgiveness everytime and say that I really love my parents although I write bad things about them. During my depression period, the movies and animes that I love before are boring to watch. However, I just watch comedy movies, sitcoms and animes. During my cloudy days, I watched mister bean a lot (live person not the cartoon). In fact, I watched it almost everyday. I watched Hannah Montana, Suite life, Spongebob, School rumble, and I forgot the rest. During those times, I can only watch comedy because any other movie put me in a panic mode. I started playing online games again, I downloaded dragon nest and just played. Since my depression is just a mild depression, I was able to do it without much help since I am a loner. I prayed, read the bible, watched comedy, played games, and wrote poems and stories. What really helped me a lot is when my friend asked me to join him in a free call center training. My class is 5:30pm and the call center class is in the morning from 8am to 12 nn. I agreed because I just want to have some other activity, I was glad that I did. I develop friendship with other people and I enjoyed my time there. I felt like I have a purpose in life. So guys, if you have depression or you know someone who has depression, it is best to have a new activity with friends. Self help can only help you 50%, the other is through activities with friends.
How I overcome depression
What also contributed to my “cure” is the fact that during the second semester, we have a new classroom. It is in another building, it made me felt relaxed and glad that I no longer have to go to the same room that feels like a prison. So, guys if you can avoid going back to the place which makes you feel imprisoned, go somewhere else or stop going there. What also helped me a lot is the thought that I keep on reminding my self, that every thing will be better after I get rid of my depression. So you should put a large sign where you can always see and write “there will be sunshine after this storm. There is light at the end of the tunnel.’ You should realize that depression is like a disease, you will feel better after it goes away. Do not think that your life will be sad forver, your life will be better after your depression. In fact, after your depression you will not remember much of it anymore. That is how God loves us, he heals us with a reset button. You just have to strive to be better and pray to God. You may not believe God now, but I suggest that you read the bible if you are depressed. Read publications from Jehovah’s Witnesses, you can download their awake magazine in their website. The reason I recommend their publication is because its free and they have many topics about depression, stress, and comfort where you can relate. Just do it and do not doubt, do everything within legal means to help yourself up. This is the time to be religious. so, here are some notes that I compiled to help you up. Four years passed and here I am blogging, preparing for the bar exam, travelling abroad, learning new things like minimalism and homemade products, I learned to sew clothes, make lotions, and so many things. If I killed myself in the past I just wasted all the opportunities that will come to me.
So just to add to my blog, recently I communicated with my ex boyriend. It has been six years since we last talked so I really do not care anymore but when I learned that he is in a depressed stage, I tried to stay by his side by constantly communicating with him. Not intimate, just a friend. The reason why I did it is because I know how it felt to be depressed. I friend of mind committed suicide because of depression and she even gave me trauma and depression. We may not be friend but I do not want anyone feel what I felt before. Depression is a serious problem. It is serious disease.
How I overcome depression
1. Watch comedy movies ONLY. Avoid dramas and any toher movies. I suggest watch Mr. Bean, Sponge Bob, and other cartoons movies and sitcoms that you enjoyed in the past. Just watch comedies and exxagerate your laughter.
2. Go out with your friends, engage in a new activities. Learn a new hobby such as painting, new language, or other activities.
3. Pray to God, just share with Him everything that you can not share with other people. KNow that He is listening. If you do not believe in Him, it is the best time to believe now. You might not know it but He is there doing His best to make things better for you.
4. Know that everything you are doing and feeling now is not permanent, it will eventually go away. All those hatred, fear,and self pity, they will go away. Just know that it is not permanent and there will be a time that it will go away, just wait for it. It is like waiting to recover from colds with runny nose.
5. Ask help if you can. Talk to your closest sister or friend, to a church person. Or go to a psychiatrist to help you out. Do not be afraid to these things. Think that you have a disease and they can help you get rid of it.
Those are How I overcome depression .